Friday, May 26, 2006
That was a bad spell
Wow! Last night was a bad spell. I have been under a lot of stress from work and the things that used to matter with having career, don't matter. All I want to do is be a parent. That is my ambition.
Today at work, everyone was leaving early and piling crap for me to do over before leaving at 5pm. (That is what happens when you have four people you are supporting -- no one know what everyone else is asking you to do) What the ?? That isn't fair. So, I left the office right after they left without starting any of the task. I really don't care what they say when I return to the office on Tuesday. When I told Scott what I did, his thoughts were I may be burned out. I've been doing two jobs for the last five months. All the managers expect me to give 100% although they said I shouldn't have to do it. I can't keep up at the fast pace any longer. Scott has told me I could resign from my position and we would be fine financially.
I don't like to see myself as a quiter, but at the same time, I don't like the way I feel. When I come home in the evening, I have to decompress W-A-Y too much. Long, hot bubble baths don't do it for me. I wake up from dreams drenched in sweat and a fast heart beat because my dreams are about about forgetting to do something at work. On Sundays I on the verge of tears because I dread going to work on Mondays. I don't think if I had stayed in my old position that the work conditions would have changed because I still would be "forced" to do both jobs. Finding an executive administrator is tough. Especially for The Big Boss because she wanted someone who had supported a VP or CEO for a large company, not a director or supporting a team from a small company. However, she decided to give me a chance when I showed interest. What the heck was I thinking?
Also, my old boss must be feeling pressure of not having me doing 100% accurate work and solely assigned to her because she has been really nasty toward me lately. She points out every single thing I do wrong and rarely tells me what I do right.
I am making a lot of mistakes at work. Mostly because I have to concentrate on quantity, not quality. I can't even attempt to do the job with excellence since I am burning my candle at both ends. I am seriously starting to doubt my ability to do the exec admin job because of the mistakes I am making.
I do have a goal to pay off my education loan I've been paying for 10 years. Time to really pay that sucker down. Scott says I can do it just as easily by working someplace else.
What I will do instead of complaining is to actually start do something about it. I am going to update my resume and start looking for another job.
Today at work, everyone was leaving early and piling crap for me to do over before leaving at 5pm. (That is what happens when you have four people you are supporting -- no one know what everyone else is asking you to do) What the ?? That isn't fair. So, I left the office right after they left without starting any of the task. I really don't care what they say when I return to the office on Tuesday. When I told Scott what I did, his thoughts were I may be burned out. I've been doing two jobs for the last five months. All the managers expect me to give 100% although they said I shouldn't have to do it. I can't keep up at the fast pace any longer. Scott has told me I could resign from my position and we would be fine financially.
I don't like to see myself as a quiter, but at the same time, I don't like the way I feel. When I come home in the evening, I have to decompress W-A-Y too much. Long, hot bubble baths don't do it for me. I wake up from dreams drenched in sweat and a fast heart beat because my dreams are about about forgetting to do something at work. On Sundays I on the verge of tears because I dread going to work on Mondays. I don't think if I had stayed in my old position that the work conditions would have changed because I still would be "forced" to do both jobs. Finding an executive administrator is tough. Especially for The Big Boss because she wanted someone who had supported a VP or CEO for a large company, not a director or supporting a team from a small company. However, she decided to give me a chance when I showed interest. What the heck was I thinking?
Also, my old boss must be feeling pressure of not having me doing 100% accurate work and solely assigned to her because she has been really nasty toward me lately. She points out every single thing I do wrong and rarely tells me what I do right.
I am making a lot of mistakes at work. Mostly because I have to concentrate on quantity, not quality. I can't even attempt to do the job with excellence since I am burning my candle at both ends. I am seriously starting to doubt my ability to do the exec admin job because of the mistakes I am making.
I do have a goal to pay off my education loan I've been paying for 10 years. Time to really pay that sucker down. Scott says I can do it just as easily by working someplace else.
What I will do instead of complaining is to actually start do something about it. I am going to update my resume and start looking for another job.
