Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Being A Father
Scott has been thinking about his own father since he wanted to be dad. His dad hasn't been a part of his life since Scott was 22. Well, actually since Scott was 4 years old. They've seen each other off and on. His mother never kept Scott or Scott's sister away. His dad chose to show up when he pleased. Scott says his dad did something that made Scott dislike him.
Scott has known where his father lives since January. Scott mom is a prominent psychologist in the Carmel, CA area and she has her own website. Scott's dad e-mailed her. His father had changed his name to a French name. Strange, aye? Sounds like he is running from something. Anyway, Scott googled him and ran across a poetry site. His father did write about Scott in a few poetry pieces. Scott has been monitoring his site. Scott told his sister about it and she anonymously e-mailed their father. Then the poetry started rolling in about Scott and his sister. His dad plays the victim and never points the finger at the consequences of his own actions.
Scott father finally found Scott's e-mail address from Scott's blog about fishing. Scott chooses to disclose his identity in his blog. His father must have googled Scott's name.
Scott finally e-mailed his dad and said he would like to start a dialogue with him. However, he set boundaries and said he doesn't want to rehash the past.
Scott said he can't ask his own children to forgive him if he can't even forgive his own father. I totally support him. I've had a rocky relationship with my father when I was growing up, but he and I have come to an understanding where we accept each other for who we are and don't try to change each other. My father and I are are now close. Scott says he has learned forgiveness from my relationship with my father. He also knows what type of relationship he wants to have with his children and it is totally different than his father or step-father's behaviour. He says he wants to be a very hands on father. He also wants to give his children hugs and say "I love you" often whether the child is a daughter or a son. Our families have these gender rolls where father's don't give their son's hugs or words of encouragement.
I know Scott will be a great father. He is definately ready. He says he can't wait to have our son or daughter with us even though he knows it is going to be the toughest job he has ever attempted.
Scott has known where his father lives since January. Scott mom is a prominent psychologist in the Carmel, CA area and she has her own website. Scott's dad e-mailed her. His father had changed his name to a French name. Strange, aye? Sounds like he is running from something. Anyway, Scott googled him and ran across a poetry site. His father did write about Scott in a few poetry pieces. Scott has been monitoring his site. Scott told his sister about it and she anonymously e-mailed their father. Then the poetry started rolling in about Scott and his sister. His dad plays the victim and never points the finger at the consequences of his own actions.
Scott father finally found Scott's e-mail address from Scott's blog about fishing. Scott chooses to disclose his identity in his blog. His father must have googled Scott's name.
Scott finally e-mailed his dad and said he would like to start a dialogue with him. However, he set boundaries and said he doesn't want to rehash the past.
Scott said he can't ask his own children to forgive him if he can't even forgive his own father. I totally support him. I've had a rocky relationship with my father when I was growing up, but he and I have come to an understanding where we accept each other for who we are and don't try to change each other. My father and I are are now close. Scott says he has learned forgiveness from my relationship with my father. He also knows what type of relationship he wants to have with his children and it is totally different than his father or step-father's behaviour. He says he wants to be a very hands on father. He also wants to give his children hugs and say "I love you" often whether the child is a daughter or a son. Our families have these gender rolls where father's don't give their son's hugs or words of encouragement.
I know Scott will be a great father. He is definately ready. He says he can't wait to have our son or daughter with us even though he knows it is going to be the toughest job he has ever attempted.
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